Random

Tuesday, December 29, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

I am a student
Rooted in music
My love for it
That is why I choose to do this.
I produce the second
Through the voice
In which I generated from
That is my choice.

...A women's heart is like vault once your in...your in...but once your our...your out for good...

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Untitled

Thursday, December 24, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

These fingers generate my flow. Maybe in another place where the pen in which it writes is desired. It is a catch-22. Either way, the overzealous pen it seems that the thought of being is the work of my soul. Perfect? Not so perfect at all. Different? Ever-so different. I tried to fit a square into a circle, like a meaningless shadow drenched in rain. Within a dream I want to wake myself before I dream of something else. I bare my soul and I hope as this pen translate my flow. Is it a lucid dream or if love is the answer, what is the question and can it be solved? The love of the words that is being written by the pen that generates my thoughts.

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Through The Eyes of an Indifferent Genius [Part 2: Style and Fashion]

Thursday, December 24, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

So, I'm not your typical female.
Never was and never will be.
The I dress is like a generated persona
Oh and the questions that follow me.
Let's see.
If i could give it a title.
It shall be "Tokyo Street Punk-Rock Fashion"
Or something to that.
I wear the chains and the fingerless gloves with a hint of black and blue.
While many were the short-short mini's and mid-drift tops
Just like my natural art.
I consider everything an art
Fashion is a natural art.
Designed and created by me
Now, it isn't so simple as it may seem.
While many will spend 70 dollars on a pair of jeans.
I can get the same jeans with a shirt or 3 and maybe even some nice heels.
What you see is what you get
I am not normal [why would I be?]
It is no fun. Normal is over-rated.
But I refuse to end up like anyone else.
But I despise people who think it's cool to walk around with their underwear jammed half-way up their behinds.
And those who think life is all about their parents credit card.
And whether or not their shoes match with their plastered on make- up [So boring].
Those who try to change me. It will not work so stop trying.
I see many wanting to be like a plastic Barbie. I am real so I don't want to be fake.
Again, my style is unique
"Japanese Street Punk-Rock" so to speak.
At the end, I can definitely pull of an awesome 3 piece suite with 4 inch heels.
Conservative and classy.
Being different means I am not like you and I rather keep it that way.

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The Last Handsome Guy

Friday, December 18, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

This will all fall down like everything else that was
All the words that we said we cannot take back.
My love is always true
But I don't know about you.

Now I feel like the fool, because I am still in love with you.
I can't replace all of the wasted days
The memory of your face.
I can't help thinking'

Maybe if you stayed and try kept it all together
Where would we be?
A thousand lost forever’s
And the promises you claimed you are giving me

Here's what I'm thinking
It won't be the first heart that you'll break
It won't be the last handsome guy
Somehow, the heart that you broke
You continue to claim you’ll come back to me.

So tell me one more time
How you're sorry about the way
This all went down.
You needed to find your space
You needed us to still be friends

You needed me to
Call you if I ever couldn't keep it all together you'd comfort me.
Tell me you'd come back to me
And the promises I never should have believed

It is complicated
Because you are everyone else's guy
It seems to me you can easily walk away
While I am left here still loving you

This will all fall down
Like everything in the world
This too, I guess, must end
And all of the words we said
We can't take back.

I have already forgiven you.
So you need not to worry
Even though you still broke my heart
Somehow, deep in my heart I still have this ounce of hope.

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Bittersweet Poetry of A Disappearing Heart

Sunday, December 06, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

I am fed up with those who don't know.
All the lies and the so-called promises
Not even completely whole
But I surely don't need anyone to tell me that

I have been through a lot
To know and recognize those lies
I continue to fade into the background
Like I don't matter as my heart dies

I walk around seeing how
A man can continue to lie and deceive
Some even start believing
Though my generosity gets the best of me

I, on the other hand
Leaving it to what I know
My heart continues to disappear
Until there is nothing left to possibly share.

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True Love Last Forever

Wednesday, December 02, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

Sometimes I wonder do you regret
How we fell in love.
Us ever being together
But I continue to pray to the stars above

You think I want someone else
Or is not ready.
If that was so true
Then this love would not be real

You think I am scared to see someone else.
You have me misunderstood.
I just don't want or need to see someone else.
Because I want to build my life with and around you

I repeat myself to you
Because it makes me feel slightly better
Since we're not together
I need that incentive to keep the tears away.

I thought you knew how I am.
I am giving the impression you don't
But somehow no one knows me like you do.
Because my love is true and will continue forever.

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Endless Love

Monday, November 30, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

How you hold me
Was never a rough touch
How you kiss me
Made me want you.
Ever so much
How you try to tickle me
Made me think
How you always try to make
Me laugh
How we make love
I never felt dirty
You are like my bath
To scrub my pain
My woes and my sorrows
How you move me
Takes all the pain away
You would even hold me
Afterwards
How you talked to me
With NO type of disrespec
How you continue to leave
me with a glowing smile.
You continue to remind me
And I'll will never forget
No could ever
Compare to you.

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Dreaming Of Happiness

Thursday, November 19, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

Each day I lose
What is left of my soul
I feelings I cannot choose
Because they continue to hide

There is nothing I want more than to be with you
But I cannot until you can make the choice
How much I want to be happy
But that is something non-existent to me now

I was happy being with you
I had someone to call my own
But I keep on forgetting that it is nothing more
That is a deep imagination

I will continue to dream
Of what it is like to be with you again
or at least what it is like to be happy
Or to that effect.

I walk around seeing
The darkness I feel
Leave it to me
I will continue to walk that path on my own

I want to feel happiness
That happiness I found in you
Now, i am not sure, if it is gone
But I find myself dreaming of that same thing.
I find myself dreaming of happiness.

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The Purpose Of My Own Tears

Tuesday, November 17, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

Written: November 17, 2009

I feel like I have no purpose anymore
The pain is all too real
It is like I am living in this world
With no one to turn to.

I never thought being alone
Would be so natural
It just like breathing
Instead I am doing it on my own

I never had anyone to turn to
Constant arguments and blank stares
I give up on trying
Because I feel unworthy of my own tears

Leave it as it may be
The one I thought I still had
I could possible loose him too.
Maybe I deserve everything I get

Maybe I am really that pathetic as it seems
Or maybe I am just fed up with everyone else
No one sees me for who I am
But I am not looking for any type of acceptance

I will never be worthy of anyone
Not even my own soul
Though I continue to hide every pain possible
Sometimes I return to my room alone and cry.

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Love Of My Life That Hurts

Wednesday, November 11, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

Written: November 11, 2009

You are the love of my life
You completely have my heart
I only trust you with my love
It kills me that we are so much apart.

I miss you like a mother misses her child.
I think about you until the morning sun.
I keep quiet just so you don’t notice.
My love can never be done

You mean the world to me
But I am giving you time
Even thought you treat me different
I with stand every minute.

I would give you the world to make you happy.
I gave you my heart, but I would give you my soul
You eyes are what tell me
How you truly feel

I will wait until my dying day
Reject every man that comes my way
Until you want to be with me again
Or you say the complete opposite that you never
Want to be with me again.

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Promises

Monday, November 09, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

You were my boyfriend
You are my world
We were so great together
You promised to love me forever
You promised their was no one to take my place
I promised to give you your space
But you promised to be there when I needed you
I promised to take care of you too
but, you kept pushing me to the end
Always replacing me with other things
Until we have totally grown apart
Didnt you know it would break my heart?

Now we are two different
People in the same spot
Pretending to be something we know were not
We don't even kiss and hug
I thought you we're still in love
We both know its not the same
There is no one here to take the blame
I just need someone other than a friend that needs me the same.

I don't have many friend though
I do not want to be alone again.
Though you promised not to.
Now it feels like someone has closed that door

Maybe someday we will try again, as I wait
Hopefully by then it wont be too late
I will love you till the end of time
but I might not be here
When you make up your mind.

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Physics 101

Saturday, November 07, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

It was not physics that taught me
The relationship between time, and distance,
But rather my love for you.

When those blissful moments
Spent in the softness of your lips
Made time vanish in the blink of an eye!

And the torment of those lonely nights
Spent in the absence from your warm embrace
Made my love for you eternal!

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Heart On Solid Numbness

Friday, November 06, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

I don’t want to feel anymore
But you claim I mean the world to you
I still do not understand
If you still left my heart crying in two

How can you love me
If you don’t want to be with me
You mean the world to me
But what do I mean to you

Maybe I am not meant to be with anyone
The emotion continues to be there
But I remain alone
Because I continue to be the toy of emotion

I cannot even be around you
Because your tone is so cold
Making what you feel confusing to me
Even when you are the person I want to hold

You are a part of my life
But not in the way I dreamed it to be
My soul is becoming numb
As loving you so much; I continue to fall.

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Loving You

Friday, October 30, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

Here with you is where I belong.
Longing to be wanted
Finally came from you like a blissful song.

When I first met you.
I never would have imagined we would ever be.
The butterflies I get in my stomach
When someone said your name or when you was with me.

Now when I sit in my room alone
I constantly think of you
Here with me
Waking up next to me.

When you are away
I continue to miss you
When you are near
My heart feels completely warm and safe to the core.

I admit you got me weakening
But the irony in that weakening
Your love keeps me strong
I am grateful to have you in my life.

I give you my heart and soul
And you give me your love
This second, this minute
All through the endless days.

You give me something to believe in
And I promise from that
I will love you forever and always.
Because you have became the love of my life

Here with you is where I belong
Nothing will keep me from loving you.
Because falling in love with you
Is the second best thing in the world.
Finding you is the first.

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This Is Real

Wednesday, October 28, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

I never thought I would find someone like you
I am realizing this too
Because I was so scared at first
So insecure

I really did not know what to do
The thought of you not in my life
Is the feeling of my heart breaking again.
I do not want to go through that 5 times twice.

I will never think of us as unofficial
Or not real
Because my love is real
And I completely want to stay with you.

Sometimes I wonder what I have done wrong
Completely swept me off my feet
But you are there, somehow
To catch me as I fall.

I can cry for days
And somehow, you are there
I do not want none of this to ever change
Because I love you and you mean the world to me.

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Only You

Sunday, October 25, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

We started as friends
Chatting and talking
Seeing smiling face
As we talk throughout the day

So funny;
Talking nonsense to each other
Until finally we can see
From each others face
The different shine in our eyes

This time is so different
From the casual conversation
We can make simple things
So significant and worth remembering

Until finally, we want each other
More each day…
Apologizing for the simple things
And this came to be
Not realizing I have finally found
someone like you to be with forever

Someone to share my life,
Happiness even sadness
Just as long as we will be together
For whatever I do
It is only you…
Because now, I will love you forever and always.

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Music Emotion

Friday, October 16, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

There's something about closing your eyes
and feeling the beat
feeling that emotion
closing your eyes
and letting your emotions take over
That makes music my first love.
No one can take that away...
Becase that is my dream
The Miseducation of this Singer & Songwriter.

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Fear Of Emotion

Saturday, October 10, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

Are you going to be the one?
All my fears together in one
The more and more I’m around you
The less I feel for the other one

You already making promises
You know how much I have been through
My emotions are still conflicting
But it doesn’t frustrate me

So it is time for me to choose
You and someone new
Though my fear is as great as the sea
My feelings cannot change

I can totally be swept off my feet
Maybe even a date or two
The chemistry we have
Turned into something greater than I least expected.

I am trying to make a simple answer
I should already know
Am I just afraid?
Or pulling away from something that could be love.

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Wake Up To Music

Wednesday, October 07, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

Within a dream
I try not awake
Something that is among myself
Before I dream of something else

The hand can translate my flow
Translation of my piercing soul
Motivation of a lucid dream
Something so real to me

The greatest song that ever wrote
Something my heart can hold
Take the ink of the pen
Continuing the menstrual flow

Burning from within
The understanding that cannot be voiced.
The meaning would not be the same
Waking up to the same peaceful melody.

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Destiny

Friday, October 02, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

You can run, but you can not hide from destiny. Ever since, as long as I can remember, I wanted to be as fast as the wind. My greatest wish is to fly beyond the sky and let the wind carry me over to new worlds, new adventures, and new destinys.

I never want to escape my destiny, but sometimes that is all I continue to think about. That is probably why I enjoy speed so much. I figured if I couldn't change my destiny I could try to out run it. If I stop now, everything will catch up to me: my past, my future, and my prominent destiny even if the world comes crashing down I want to to be free and one with speed.

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The Pages Of My Heart

Friday, September 18, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

In the deepest of my emotions
Igniting something so true
A flame that continues
To burn so deep for you.

Happiness, in which I dare to dream
Something inside my heart
Something I wish in the sky
So I do not have to cry inside

I understand this is how it has to be
And I do not want to cause any complications
I could just walk away
But my feelings are in too deep

My heart continues to fall
Yet to be captured by the sight of you
I hold what is left of my heart in my hands
Wanting it to be placed back together somehow.

Maybe one day you can develop the those same feeling I have for you
Because too much I have been through
I feel like I am in a stained glass unable to move or feel
Because that is what is written in the tainted pages of my heart.

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Shadow

Sunday, September 13, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

Everyday I wonder
When will I be happy
Everyday I ponder
Why I cannot be with you?

Everytime I see you
I know that you are someone I cannot have
And when I am with someone else
You are the only person my heart craves.

I cannot sleep sometimes
Yet you are constantly in my thoughts.
You might not know how deep.
But you know how l feel.

I still don’t know if you even notice me
Or if you care
I know I do not mean anything to you
But you definitely mean everything to me.

Until then
I’ll just close my eyes
Dreaming
And not to be a lonely shadow.

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Close With You

Monday, August 24, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

When I first looked in to your eyes.
My emotions began to fly
Even before you spoke a word
It felt like I knew you by heart.

When I first held you in my arms
It felt like a the suffering can possible end
Even if it didn’t last
That was the moment I wanted to share.

When you first kissed me
I was scared.
Even though it was out of a dare.
I wanted it to be much more.

When I caressed your dark skin
It was like a subtle connection
Even though you told me you do not like me
It was like the sweetest sin.

I will close my eyes
And wish for you to be with me.
Maybe there will be a day.
When you allow me to be close with you.

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Not Enough

Saturday, August 22, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

When I added you to my friends list.
I didn’t think too much of it
I did even realize this
Until it was closer to seeing you.

Then we started talking more
I took it slow
So I waited so you can give me your number.
I still didn’t think too much of it

Days later I finally did
I began liking you
Similar interests
With a mutual attraction

Finally the day came
You met me right there.
I surely felt incredibly lame
But was not attaché to you.

I placed a dare upon you
Just to see what it was like for you to kiss me
I didn’t think I would be attached afterwards
But I got speechless and wanted to leave.

I thought we were getting closer
Even after the kisses
I honestly just wanted you to hold me.
I thought you felt a little something too.

I was dead wrong after you told me.
But I am used to it.
I will still like you.
But I guess being myself will never be enough.

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What Is Left Of Me

Friday, August 21, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

Sometimes I wonder why I try.
My emotions seem to take the best of me.
I want to hide
But it seems to come out especially when I am close to somebody.

I see you all week and everyday
I become closely more attached to you.
Honestly, you do not feel a thing.
So I am in this alone yet again.

I find myself looking at you
But from a distance
I cannot get too close
Because it would be no point.

Everytime I follow my heart
It end up back firing upon me
Like being apart
It pulls me to the other direction.

I am alone having these feelings for you.
I have to keep them to myself
Yet I continue to break
Upon what is left of me.

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Holding On

Thursday, August 06, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

It is funny how I just want to smile for once
For someone to make me feel like everything is ok.
My worries overcome my heart sometimes
Because I wish this world could be different

Constant stress
Joy and happiness is one all can ask for
But the cycle continues again
Where is the something I am looking for.

When I just want something small to go well for me
Everything else seems to backfire
The only peaceful thing around
Is a lovely shower when no ones around

Take me away
Take me to a faraway place
Where my unexplainable dreams
Can come true.

Dreams of holding a job
Not worring if I will actually finish my education or not
Finding someone I can trust
Or finding that soulmate.

Soulmate?
What is that?
I like 2 guys now.
So how will I deal with that?

Why is there constant problems?
How can I deal?
I am surrounded by lies and lying opportunities.
This is what my heart sees.

I am stuck in a corrupted world
No shine, but I continue to smile
I ahve to to hide it
So no one else can ever worry about me

When things go wrong, normally as they do
I try everything to take care of it
But I have no choice
My dad ends up taking caring of me.

No judgement and no lectures
Just understanding in which I need
I want something that can be mine
Maybe without putting my tears on hold everytime.

The world is full of emotions
I try to hide mine, whatever is left.
Even when I like someone or something happens
All I can do now is just hold on.

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Anastásia Divine (My Musical Persona)

Tuesday, July 28, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

The name distinguish my other side
Not too much an opposite
But something that cannot hide
That is the name, Anastásia Divine.

There is no such thing as a voice of reason
The pain of my inner self
Doesn’t seem to be leaving
The name develops more than just a musical stage name

You don’t have a clue
The meaning to this persona
The pain and loneliness cause this too
Wondering If love and happiness is existent.

I think irrational when it comes to my feelings.
On and on, only to give back to those in need
There don’t seem to be any healings.
But like the original, the generosity is still there.

It is to be known I do not need anyone
Never needed any unreliable man
I will stand there and not run from no one.
This persona protects my already shattered heart of mine.

Lacking the ability to trust anyone
Only my education and music career in mind
There you have it.
All the pain and loneliness cause the full persona of Anastásia Divine.

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Where Are You? My Special Someone

Monday, July 27, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

I am trying to figure out
I want to say something
What is this about?
I want you to understand

Why can’t I find you?
My wonderful brown skin
My heart has already been torn in two
Mend it back together for me.

That special someone has to be somewhere
Someone to hold me tight
And call me in the middle of the night
Step down to what is left of my heart.

Let yourself be known to me
I am tired of being alone
I am tired of the games.
I wish that special someone was here for my eyes to see.
But does he exist?

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Artist's Hands

Sunday, July 26, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

I see the world
Artistically
At the palm of my hand
These artist hands

These hands
African American brown
Changing the world
With a simple brush stroke

The brown skinned tone
Creating art on its own
The structure of the hands
The constant flow

The vibe of creation
Nothing of its bare minimal
Don’t want to stop
But create more of it

My own style
Tapping to my own beat
Corrupted in my own way
Instant gratification

Inspired by these artists hands
Through the sound of my own voice
Through a stroke of a pen
Where ever my heart may land

The feel and flow to another world
In words I cannot explain
How I see this world?
Through the artistic expression of my own hands.

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DreamCatcher

Wednesday, July 01, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

My heart has shut down
My body is still alive
The atmosphere is loud
But my soul is shot down

I am trying to not think this way
But it not up to me
I cannot even choose
Because my dreams I cannot see

Catch me in never-ending memories
Erase those fears
Something short of amnesia
Or just make me believe.

Make these tears disappear
Return my once belonged happiness
Or let my dreams appear
For someone be my dreamcatcher.

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Artwork

Saturday, January 17, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

Art is my profession
From music to graffiti
Writing in poetry
To a graphic on PC
Art is a form of life
Without it I am nothing.
No creativity is formed.
Feel my hands
The creative work my gentle hands
As I play my favorite band
You see the freedom of my voice singing
Air walking through deafen ears
Many misuse the meaning of art.
It comes from this gentle heart
Some call me a geek.
Some call me a nerd.
But what they do not see is a future artist
From the simplest song to the most difficult graffiti.

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New Year's

Thursday, January 01, 2009 Mellyssa A. Diggs 0 Comments

Without you
I wouldn’t make it through the year.
What you do
Keeps me coming back to you.

You are ever-so-sweet
As I love how you treat me.
Loving you keeps me smiling
Even if I at my lowest point

On this New Years Eve
I lay hear thinking
That you will never leave
And that I’ll always be with you

One day
We will spend New Year’s together
One special day
Just like a normal couple should

One day we will have dinner together
With dimmed lights
As we love one another
We will dance under candle light
As if I was your princess at a ball.

I lay here dreaming of our future
And it does not scare me as much anymore
Because I will be soon living it with you
My love that is ever-so true.

All I think about is you and I.
Will you be mine today?
Will you be mine tomorrow?
Will you be me forever?

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