Cyberspace

When I am all alone
I can lose myself in the world of cyberspace
I can type out my emotion on documents
Where, if I hit “submit”, it can be sent just as it can be erased.

I am staring at the computer screen
Wondering if I am missing reality
I see the digital coding across my glasses
Where the worlds problems are not a greater fatality.

Here, I live in this Matrix sort of world
Where the truth is not found in a simulation
Only fantasy of just binary coding and words.
No hardships, no loneliness.

Letters and numbers
All understandable to this cyber geek
Like putting together logs and lumber
That is logic enough for me

Fake names and imaginative identities
Music, videos, MySpace, and Yahoo
E-mail and instant messaging capabilities
That is what this world has to offer, expressed creativity.

I do not want to be in the real world
I rather live in this ever-changing cyber world
But even there, it has flaws.
Yet, it makes me forget how much pain the world has caused.

Neverending Love

A nerverending dream
I wish there was s sign
All I want to do is hide
But all i want to do is be with you.

I am watching all the roses die
My feelings is all I hide
Even though you tore me apart.
My love I have is still in my heart.

Adjusting what I know
I have been on my constant.
I am wanting for the night
But I am catching my doubts

Now, I turn off my eyes
Erasing all the lies
sitting on an imaginary hill
Wishing that love can be real.

I am drifting away
My feelings is all I hide
Even though you tore me apart
My love I have for you is still in my heart.

If Only...

If Only...
There was a world where
I wouldn't have to worry.
About being myself
Where all my scares from the past
Will fade away.
A place where
People wouldn't have to take pills.
To hide their true selfs.
Where no one has to be done.
A place where we wouldn't
Have to worry about the stupid laws.
That chain us down.
A place where people
Wouldn't have to worry about fitting in.
A place where the world
Isn't revolved around a Barbie type girl.
A place where everyone isn't a clone.
But that is reality.
Because that place doen'y exist.
That place only happens in dreams.

Aftermath Of A Brokenheart

I close my eyes.
I see him there.
I open my eyes.
He is still in my head.
Separated and apart.
The pain comes from the heart.

Our song comes on.
I start to cry.
My love is still here.
But my heart is gone.

I look in the mirror
I see darkness.
Can not stop my tears
Of the love you once had.

I tried so hard.
To be the perfect girlfriend.
Yet it wasn't enough.
Because you just broke my heart.

No matter how I feel anymore.
It makes no difference.
No matter how torn.
I will keep my promise to you.

I made that promise.
Thinking we will be together forever.
No matter how egotistical you are.
My love for you is true to its form.

The way I love you
Is clearly different from the way you love me.
I stayed true.
But what did you do for me?

Do what you want.
I can not do a thing.
I will still love you.
Like we were going to be together for life!

Brokenheart Shattered In Two

I do not want to feel a thing
Why am I still missing him
He shoved my heart down my throat
Something that deeply hurts
I gave him my body
Tranfered it to his soul
I thought he wanted me forever
No I know that was not true
He made me believe
That there is no one else for me and him
I can not be held responsible
For what I might do
I can not hold on
Because he was the one who did me wrong.
My tortured soul
Battered and abused
Love does not exsist anymore
Neither does me.
Because you broke my heart
And shattered it in two.

Constant Pain

It is hard
To make the best
Of my own pain.
When I know
It is hard to get out of
I'm falling from above
No one is there to even catch me.
it is hard to imagine happiness
Something more or less
That never seemed to exist.
I can not help it
It is like the weight of the world
Is crushing me.
Making it harder to see.
...and I can not breathe
I know as I cry
Feeling like I could die
I can not make the best
Of my constant pain.

Cursive Memory

Writing it down
Heart to heart
Not even knowing
If it will all fall apart.
Leaving a bittersweet impression
Two full pages
Of a written cursive memory

My cursive heart
Filled with mistakes
Protecting myself
Whatever it takes

Frozen in pieces
Tormented and caged
Trying to remember
Memories I never had.

Trying to escape
Outside of my mind
Written on tape.
Two words
Of a cursive memory.

Gave My Heart Back Shattered To Pieces

These words you said.
They were all lies
You lied to me.
Brokenhearted.
Trying to keep my composure.
I can not breathe
All the pain is suffocating me.
There is nothing I can do.
He didn't love me
The way that I love him
but I wish I never fell in love with him
Because now it hurts way too much
He had my heart
But gave it back to me in pieces
I am kind-of going out of my mind
Because I never felt wanted
I never felt loved
I just wish I could runaway.
Most girls would cheat
Most girls lie
I care more about him than he even knew
My heart wants to die.
He left me crying all alone.
I wish these emotions I can hide.
I still miss what we use to have.
I miss his hands
His gentle hands around my waist.
He sweet kiss he gives to me.
His gentleman-like personality
At least, so I thought.
I miss it all.
But he didn't miss me at all.
I held his love in my hands
Stapled to my heart
And blended to my soul
I have lack of sleep
I can not stop crying
But he gave my heart back.
Shattered to pieces.

A Picture Of You And Me

All I do with each passing day
Is think of you.
It is like a perfect crime
You can steal my heart
And I can steal yours.
You are always in my thoughts
As well as my dreams

I’ll always imagine
That we are meant to be
But in my dreams
We are perfect for one another.
It is like a movie scene
In the sweetest dreams
I picture you and me.

Rain, Escape, & Afterwards

As the world sinks
The rain pours
Beyond my hearts control
With limited escape.
I am trying to runaway.
But I can’t.

I want to be free
It seems like I am trapped
In my own self-pity
Nowhere to run
Not even afterwards

I hate the rain
But there is a hovering cloud
A dark cloud
I can not escape it
It is an accumulation
Of all my pain

These bittersweet memories
None forming
None even started
As the rain falls
I try to escape
To a place of the unknown afterwards
Serenity

10 Seconds

You are nothing short than amazing.
The way you made me feel this weekend
Was like walking on the clouds
I wish for it to never end.

I wish life can stand still just so I can stay with you.
It happened so fast
But you mean the world to me too.
I want it to forever last.

Sometimes I try to explain
How it all came too quickly
It is hard to put in words
The way you make me feel.

The entire time, 10 seconds
From the moment I saw your face.
I got butterflies
The entire time.

Your eyes, your smile, your touch
You make me feel safe
You make me laugh
Just a smile or a word.

10 seconds with you
Keeps me smiling all day.
Thinking about the way you hold me
The way you make me feel inside.

I don’t want to feel anymore pain.
I get so scared to express my true feelings.
You are so special to me
You are all I need to feel like I am the only one.

I have been lonely without someone like you in my life.
I have been hurt too many times.
But you came
And made everything feel right.

Promise to me that you’ll never break my heart
That you will keep it safe from all harm.
Tell me what love feels like again
Show me what true happiness really is.
Because even just 10 seconds without you feels like a lifetime.

Shatter-Proof Glass

As I sit in my room
I close my eyes.
As though I am drifting into another world.

I see myself in happiness
I haven't even met you yet.
Wondering if that is you standing right in front of me.

I am dreaming of the day that I'll finally see you.
It is like looking through a shatter-proof glass
because I can see you but unable to even feel your hand.

Yet, I hear your voice
Surrounding my heart.
I know that you'll never part.

I am dreaming of you holding me
As we dance under the moonlit night.
Calling me "beautiful" under its pretty sight.

I finally open my eyes
I find myself stlll alone.
Where everyone else has left me before.

My cell-phone begins to ring.
It is you
Telling me how much you care about me.
Wondering if that shatter-proof glass will ever break
So I can hold your hand for the first time.

Save This Fragile Heart of Mine

I try to keep myself
From crying everynight
My tears flow deep inside
but no one is unable to see them.

I keep myself together
When I am out with the weather.
But when I get home
The only thing I can o is lock myself in my room.

I have lost most of the self-esteem I have.
I guess I am not goo enough.
When will I find happiness?
Please tell me this.

I can like anyone as much as I want.
But who will want me?
Explain to me.
What do I have.

I have been rejected.
...and torn apart.
I have yet have anyone to even put the pieces back together.

All I ask is for someone to save me.
Take me away from hear
I am on the verge of breaking down
Can you save this fragile heart of mine?

Underneath This Smile

Underneath, all you see
Is a soul crying.
Trying to get rid of the pain.
My heart forgot
What happiness feels like
But there is no one to mend this broken heart of mine.

Sitting here
Awake
Misery overwhelming
I am far too tired
to deal with this.

I’ve tried until I can not anymore.
My heart and soul is torn.
No matter whom I can like
He won’t want to be with me.

I sit here
And I cry
I laugh
but it’s a lie
I’ll tell you I’m fine
On the inside
But on the outside
I’m not.

This is how I feel
Underneath this smile

I try to hide it all
The feelings I feel inside
…but I am unable to too
By the mass variety of rejections
From many guys who I though would be the one.
Is he out there?
Or is it the figment of my imaginantion?

Lying in my bed
I am staring at my ceiling
Thinking of all
The good times
I dream of in fantasies.

Can one guy prove to me that he isn’t the same?
I feel as though I am not good enough
My heart is not tough
No matter how I feel
No one will want me for who I am.

I can feel
The tears
Flowing
From my eyes
All I am
Is thinking
Or happiness I never had.

This is how I feel
Underneath this smile.

Eighteen

I awaken in the morning
The daylight has yet to shine.
I oversee the clouds
Looking out my cold window.

I sit here all alone
Thinking deeply to myself.
What am I supposed to do?
I am eighteen now.

I try to erase all the pain.
I don’t even have any wonderful memories.
Childhood dreams
Never even existed.

The key to my heart
Remains closed
I seem to remain brokenhearted.
Even at this new age of eighteen.

There is something I must do.
Something I must tell
Something I must say
My mind knows good and well.

I am swarming in emotions
Want to tell someone something
…but my emotions preventing me from doing so.
Preventing me from telling him how I really feel.

Eighteen years
Like a sharp pain in my ears
Never want to go back
To those lonely years

Yet, even now, it is still the same.
No one is there.
As I walk down the sidewalk.
Trembling in fear.

Eighteen years
Eighteen tears
Eighteen times
My heart has cried.

I never knew this
What true happiness feels like?
Now that I am eighteen.
I just want it all to disappear.

I am laying here
Unable to cry any more tears
Still processing and erasing the pain.
Now that I am eighteen years old.

Lonely Rain

I am sitting in my room
Sitting alone while the rain fall
It reminds of all the heartbreak that was caused.
The rain comes down likes tears
As I cry
Nobody hears.
Unclear to the naked eye.
Leaving marks in the way of its path.

I look out the window
Blurring life as I would normally see it
making it all seem like a dream
But the pain is all reality.
No reflection
no sparkle
no glistening sunlight.

There are raindrops on my glasses
not allowing me to see things
I am alone
No one else is here out in the rain.

The rain is the only comfort I see.
Because no one else is ever there for me.
Everyone always leaves me alone
Always leave me cold
I cry every night wondering is there anyone out there.
It is like I am banging on the door
but no one hears, no one opens it
it's like the more I scream,
the more alone I feel and become.

My heart is torn into a thousand pieces
and it's never going to be whole again.
It shattered like shards of glass
Because everyone turns their back on me.

Now I wonder where to run,
who to trust, when I should love.
Is there EVER a true love?
Im not so sure anymore,
and Im not too sure I care

I sit here thinking alone in the rain,
thinking of my sorrow, misery, and pain.
I sit here listening to the thunder crashing down
Because no can here me.

I am sitting here in my room
Looking out the window as the rain fall.
Listening to the song that reminds me of the one I use to love.
As I change the song.
Here comes another one
Listening to a song reminding me of the one I like.
But all together these tears fall
Like the raindrop falling on the outside.

Manifestation

The manifestation of a sickness called hate
Sweeps across this nation that holds no fate
A reference to independence is silenced by foes
Choking while smoking away, losing the ebb and flow
Systematically shuting down the life support machine
Gasping, grasping, fighting for life, death is a fiend
Scream young child, let your voice be heard
Saintly while fainting, this world is the victim of murder
Whip lash the splish splash, no games to be played
These bastards and whores just want to get laided
Teacher be not hasty, your students will not learn
No hunger for knowledge, no fire to burn
Quail this strom that destroys my faith
Wipe away this death and dismay, theres no time to waste
Words drip from the pages of ancient books
Whilst sin dangles enticing deals from sinister hooks
The contemplation of deeds undone
Loom over the heads of heros unsung
Folk tales enthrall naive young minds
Until those tales become real, and no happy ending is there to find.

Unspoken Likeness

If I look into your eyes
I know what I would see.
If I told you this right now.
I am unable to tell you how I feel

I wish for something more
All I want to do is shout it out.

I can’t believe inside
What I am feeling
Every time I see you
My heart starts beating crazy.

I really don’t know what to do.
It is up to you to tell me.

Every time I see you
I become shy and quiet
I wish you would say something to me too
About how much I really like you.

Broken: Reset Me

I am a girl whos heart has been broken more times than I can count and it has been put together with crazy glue and double stick tape trying to erasing the pain which is still there deep inside.

No one knows that I am pretending all alone. I fake the happiness like nothing was wrong. If you look in the mirror you'll see my broken smile, striving for perfection. I am just tired of being rejected.

I smile to hide the tears
Laugh to cover the fears
...but when the day is over
When the night has come
All you'll see is someone who wants to find pure happiness.

All I want is someone to wipe my tears away
Tell me that everything will be ok.
Restore all the self-esteem that was lost.
Fulfill the emptiness deep inside

To tell me the truth
...and hold me but never let go.
To understand how I feel
but deal with all my tears
No just once, be there everyday.
No matter how much or how many days I feel this way.

Unbreak my heart
To unfreeze my heart
Love me unconditionally
To wake me up from this dream
Call me beautiful and mean it
...and bring me back to reality

Never to judge me
Accept me for who I am and all my flaws
To see right inside of me
My heart and my soul

I am a girl whos heart has been broken more times than I can count and it has been put together with crazy glue and double stick tape trying to erasing the pain which is still there deep inside.

[Restart]
I'll be 18 soon
So someone just....
[Reset Me]

Crying On The Inside

Sometimes I cry from the inside
Often without much reason why;
On occasion I would wish to die

Each day, I would shed a few tears;
Giving in to all my greatest fears,
Crying out, hoping someone hears

Emotions stirred left me confused;
My heart is broken, battered, abused,
This poor, depressed heart left bruised

Why do everyone leave me like this;
Wretched, and wishing to be missed,
Vulnerable to every single touch and kiss?

Watching as someone has someone new,
I pine away, longing for someone to be with me too;
Pain slams into me, knowing it's true

Might there be nothing I could say
That could change the pain I feel everyday.
And bring someone to me just for one day?

My heart became so sore?
Unable to fell where it is anymore
Am I paying for what happened before?

Though these feelings I try to hide
By diminished faith I wish to abide
Yet desperation rules supreme inside.
That is why I cry from the inside.

Torn In Two

I thought I finally found
Someone to call the love of my life.
Someone who’ll be by my side
But I was wrong

I though you loved me
The way that I do
But I was such a fool
To believe that you were the “one” for me

I still can’t believe
That you did this to me
You broke my heart in two
I falling apart
Yet again.

You left me
All alone
To pick up the pieces
That is left of my broken heart.

I am hiding all of the pain inside
You just left me aside
Not know what to do.
I am still heartbroken, torn in two.

Brokenheart

Lastnight while sitting
under the moonlight,
I began to reflect
on happier days.

There was such a great
sense of loneliness.
A huge void that would
just not go away.

As i sat there staring
at the stars above.
I felt the tears begin
to flood my eyes.

For i gave to you
all of my love,
Only to learn that
your love was a lie.

Somehow i will try
to make a new start.
For i shall hold my
head up with grace.

I will force a big
smile upon my face.
As i hide the pain
of my brokenheart.

Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine as children do.
It's not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own lights shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Craving

On a cloudy Thursday afternoon
With flurries falling
Let me find my source of warmth
In your voice.
Chocolate, Baritone...
Like a cello with undertones of Louisiana sunshine.

Sometime this Tuesday evening,
Brush the skin at base of neck
With colorful accolades.
Paint my character a bit more glorious
Than it is seen by other men.

Sunday morning,
Whether or not the rain is falling...
Just give me a little honey
With my milk.
Because sometimes even the confident girls
Need affirmations.

Not looking for sustenance
Don't need the meat of political conversations
Or religious theory evaluation.
Just need your lips on my thighs...
Breath on me, and tell me that I'm needed.
Sweet nothings may not fill
But they sure do go down easy.
If you please,
Just hold me, and whisper.