The Heart Now Beautifully Demented

I just take a minimal case of love
But every single time it breaks my heart
Everything I want I never thought I get
But once I have it, disappears
I take my breath
My lasting breath
The last of it I have for you.
Stressing out
Going all out
Wondering why I still care
I cant see
Why this happens to me?
What life has done to me?
I am defending
No pretending.
Putting up these walls
Not of fire and brimstone
But of barbwire and made of ivory bone.
Orchestrated and beautifully demented
Effort is a two way street
Sometimes I let myself pretend to be sleep
Just to forget
Just not to think.
Wont even allow myself to get close.
My feelings means nothing to anyone but me
Truth to be told
Not bitter
Just torn in two
Longing for acceptance
Now it is like, who cares?
But I have been waiting all my life
For it all to reach my body and my mind.
This heart now broken, closed, and beautifully demented
No one can break through.