Hope Is What Kept Me

I don't have the strength anymore. 
I have to fake like I'm all together. 
Being myself constitutes to you not loving me. 
So much was said.
So much hurtful things. 
How could you ultimately be my friend and say such things.
I'm told it will be okay
But how can it be
Hope is what kept me going
However, I don't think I can anymore
I don't think I can believe in that thing called love anymore.
I can admire anyone in the world
But to be complacent in love
It just doesn't exists anymore 

Untitled

I keep thinking that everything will be okay.
But it is just another one of those psychological lies.
What is love I wonder? 
Why do I continue to crave it?
Why can't I hold myself up anymore? 
There are those days.
Those days where I fake the whole day
Then others where I complete fall apart and no one is there to keep me together. 
It's hard to be okay.
Though I'm tired all the time. 
Even when I'm not tired. 
I shake, I shiver but that all goes away. 
I can snap out it, when I don't overthink
I'm almost a shell but I'm still in love.
It's been too long where that was reciprocated. 
I pretend like it's all okay. 
What do I know. 
No one cares or so I am actually told.

I'm Just Human

I'm not beautiful.
I'm not sexy.
I'm not cute not pretty.
I'm just human.
With multiple flaws and very high expectations.
Nothing too series just don't lie to me.
Been through a world wind of emotional pain.
I'm invisible to want society perceives woman.
I am just human.

Destined to be alone and no one to call my own.
It can not all be my fault.
However, I'm not open enough
I will never be good enough.
I can look it up
Ask for help but I can not change my character.
Too many want me to change.
I just want to be loved.
There are days I want to be held.
Something I want to be alone
Day I talk and days I don't
Other times I don't want to be at home.
That is not wrong.
That makes me human.

I'm unlike any other and will sacrifice another.
No one sees it that way.
So much pressure, so much to say.
I am supposed to conform to what others have to say.
Live up to everyone's expectations.
I just want to be me.
I must be wrong and possible destined to be alone.
I'm only me.
I'm just human.

Suffering In Silence

I haven't worn my engagement ring since then.
Since we broke up a year and a half ago.
My emotions have been spiraling out of control.
It is because I still love you and never stopped.
There was no room for anyone else.
I may not want to be a mother.
But it is more important to care for one another.
You say you care about me.
I can tell through our random love making sessions.
However, at the end you call me home slice.
Like I'm not worth it to be a woman.
Like I am some benefit.
Getting engaged and getting married
I love seeing those things.
But what about me.
When will someone enjoy being around me.
Without being judgemental.
I don't need a man, however.
I am fine being alone.
Yet, it does get to me at time.
Because I am unable to share anything special and exciting to someone.
I just suffer in silence.
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