A Silent Heart Still In Love

My eyes hurts
It's all my fault
He takes things too far
You say I did something wrong
But you never tell me how to fix it. 
I love you
Whether we are wrong or right
I only need you. 
You tell me I don't love you like you do. 
I love you more than anything in this world. 
You say you worshipped me. 
I was the one worshipping you. 
I wanted to protect you
Have you for myself. 
Have you for my future and nothing else. 
In the dark all alone
No one to tell me that it's alright. 
Sometimes I think you want to find something wrong
I don't even know who I am anymore. 
Each day I feel more pathetic. 
Nothing new.
I have this headache. 
I'm told it's all my fault.
I guess I'm a horrible human being. 
I don't know what to think anymore
Everyone around me is so much better. 
I loose the one I love for being myself.
I guess being myself is not enough. 
It is not acceptable
I was there to help and provide. 
But I guess I am just a girl and not your future wife. 
You have yet to understand. 
I made you my equal
But I always felt under you.
I feel like I come second place to you. 
I feel like I'm not your equal. 
You get mad for no reason sometimes.
However, I remain silent most of the time.
Taking things a little to far. 
At least they are there to console you. 
No one cares to ask me if I'm alright. 
I guess my thoughts were actually right. 
Love is not meant for me.
I will never be a great girlfriend.
But I will always be an excellent friend. 
That's hard because I will always love you. 

I Am Only Human, Who Happens To Be Black

Black women are supposed to be strong.
Full of bravery.
Words that are rooted in racism and slavery.
It seems empowering.
However, it is dehumanizing.
You expect me to be strong.
Never frail or vulnerable.
You forget that I am human.
I am not indestructible.
I am fragile.
With a beating heart on the inside.
I harbor deep feelings.
And can put up an emotional fight.
Do not tell me I am a strong black woman.
Or that I should be.
I am only human.
I am organic.
Strength is in my blood.
And I am strong by genetics and creation.
However, I am stressed.
The breakouts and my heart beating out of my chest.
Look at me, I am not superwoman.
I am asked to do everything.
Draining me dry.
But no support or faith in me of my dreams and what I desire.
But somehow I have to be strong.
Because I am a black woman.
I carry the world on my shoulders.
And always try to be selfless.
While tears flow from my eyes.
I feel like I am weighed down by big boulders.
This is what a strong black woman implies?
I take care of everyone around me.
When I cannot, I am questioned and scolded like a child.
I am told what to do and how to do it.
My choices do not seem to matter.
Unless I am serving someone else.
Race is no issue here.
Humanity, I need a break.
I am only human.
Who happens to be a black woman.



No Pain, Just Peace

I do not expect anything in return
I need no validation.
I rather see peace and harmony.
Rather than pain and suffering.

I make sacrifices.
To be selfless.
I don't pass judgement.
I don't want the feeling of being loveless.

I am deathly afraid to be alone.
It has become more of a phobia.
So I rather help those around me.
I surround myself and help.

It is my calling and destiny.
I have known what I wanted all along.
It is those simple things that can make me smile.
Something peaceful and serene.

The Contrast of Dreams and Nightmares

Sometimes we have dreams and sometimes we have nightmares. Our dreams can sometimes come in the form of nightmares and vise-versa. To an extent we cannot escape from. We fall into the traps that we cannot pursue our ambitions and dreams. However, this conflict is chased away by serenity. However, another conflict arises in an abundance of rage. We acknowledge the haters, but only exist because we acknowledge them. There is a gap between these dreams and nightmares. They can be easily confused. Nightmares we can awaken from scared and shaken. Whatever was scaring us, does not exist in the real world. Our dreams bring us comfort, especially from the real world. However, we cannot escape the real world.

The real world can be a dream sometimes and a nightmare. People with mental illnesses come in varying degrees. It can start from glitches in emotion to down right schizophrenia. That is a complete nightmare. There are so many medications that can mask the symptoms; some are self-inflicted. There is really no fix. Addictions become entangled between a dream and a nightmare. It becomes trapped in a web and fall into awaking nightmare. We never forget who we are though. Self-medication is believed to be the vices of addiction. It can have you bury your heads in the deep sand or live life in a haze. Now, everyone can play the victim. The victim syndrome; it is mighty clever I might add. The time spent complaining and crying we don’t even realize it. There is an onset of different levels.  You can be the manipulator of the actual victim that you can never get past. Our lives has spun in circles and stalled out.


Sometimes we need to allow our inner dreamer to take flight, or we will tumble down into a nightmare. However, are you sure we live in the land of the free? With these problems we live in a waking nightmare that affects some and damage others. Some just want to fall back into a dream and never wake up to reality of what humanity has become.