Trying Hard Enough

Who are you to tell me I am not trying hard enough

What is the true definition of that?

Is it forcing myself to stay awake every night?

Waking up early every morning?

Even though I walk from one end of the campus to the other end

It is ok; I am having my heart to lend.

People throw around this sisterhood thing.

What is it anyway?

Someone who listens to you?

Tell you when you are wrong?

Constructive criticism?

Be hard

In order to better one self?

Isn’t that what a best friend is too?

People throw that word around too.

So what I am anti-social.

I don’t choose that on purpose.

I guess that would make me suspect.

A person someone who doesn’t trust.

Change is a working process

And I have been working on that since birth.

But for someone to say I am not trying hard enough

That isn’t not love.

How dare you tell me I am not trying hard enough?

My sleep pattern is all messed up

I am breaking out

Stressing out

Hair shedding out

Yet, in order for me to be deemed as trying hard enough

I probably have to slit my wrist

Letting the blood drip.

Right?

I am trying hard so I can be

Someone people can rely on and trust

Not a shy somebody

Everything I do is the wrong decision.

I am like a rainstorm filled with dark black skies

And haunting rainfalls full of lies.

Is there a silver lining in the clouds?

Because I am constantly fighting with myself again, and again.

Trying to please others time and time again.