Bordem


I can’t do things without warning

I cant party until 2 in the morning.

I don’t party anyways.

So you tell me, I don’t know you.

I won’t speak

I can’t.

My mouth is glued shut

Whirling and whirling

I feel the emotion deep down in my gut.

Hearsay, near say

Forget what I say.

I can practice hard, work hard

They all want to know

How do I do it everyday.

Well, see, it is like this….

Bittersweet, it is so sweet. It is calling me.

Mind bottling. A game we play to loose.

Nothing better to do.

I can wake up as early as 4 in the morning.

Staying up until I start yawning

But what does that typically means anyway.

My bottle completely shuts downs

Down to it bare minerals.

Life full of randoms, tandems

Man, unbelievable boredom.

Insanity


My insanity.
Perfect normality
Others see the surface.
While I fall through the cracks.
My heart takes C4 batteries and AAA’s.
I mean what I say.
Or misleading by display.
So maybe I am different.
Surely not the same as you.
It’s different.
The world have no eyes.
Something as my insides cries.
I see the clock, tick and tock.
And I see the time it tells
So I ask questions with no need of entangling replies.
The light burns the filmed-covered eyes.
Am I saying what I feel?
Or speaking into existence cards you cannot begin to deal.
Something that can rob me of all this pain inside.
And replace my insanity with reality.

Finding My Voice

I have been looking for a voice.
My voice shuttering.
While others merging to shouts uttering, muttering confusion.
The same single minded obsession
Leaving world noise crashing into me.
It shuts me down.
They all pretend, but…
(So many obstacles getting in the way.)

I have been looking for a voice to get attention.
Being taught to make noise to feel alive.
A battery charged at 99%
Tears of what’s pretending to be.
I don’t want noise.
I want to float.
Words like the wind.
To move, just to move, on the move.
I am not seen.
So I change the rules.
To shift the world.
With possible gentle words
To find my voice.
To scream it the hell out.
Yell, damn it!
Just to hear what I have to say.

Dark
Crashing, trashing, overanalyzing
Without it.
Well…
It that even true?
Speaking now quietly.
Gently, becoming possible to hear.

Hear me damn it!
Just hear me.
Trying to find my voice.
Will that ever happen?

Just Listen!


Stop talking, just listen.
21 years of always being dissed.
You lecture me
The continuous lectures
Why?
You say I don’t care.
Yet, you tell me the same thing everyday
You love me. You are proud of me
How?
You can’t even tell me what means most to me
That is, if I asked.
You argue with me
The arguments back and forth
Up and around
Trying to wrap my head around
The way you think sometimes.
All you care about is what your vision of me should be.
Strict? I thought that.
Mean? Well you tell me
Time and time again I explain
What is there more to understand.
You say grow up
Though you never let me speak my mind.
There is so many things I aim to say
Though you always shut me down
Time and time again
Through my torn and shattered eyes.
With these blood flown tears ties.
I swallow my frustration and hope that this subsides
Yet, you are all I have.
So just shut up now.
Just listen to me for once in your life
Listen to what I have to say
Stop. Just stop
I go inside out to trying to understand
Back and forth through this father, daughter whirlwind
Round and round with no point of direction
You always think you are better
Maybe you should just stop acting like you are always right
You aren’t right and is wrong most of time
Especially about me
You don’t even know me anymore.
Or possibly you never knew me at all.
Though you are still my dad
But how come I love you anyway?
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