As A Broken Doll, Odds And Ends

You won't break my heart.
I would have to break it first.
Heart moving fasting.
Such a beautiful disaster.
In this skin
So breakable
These old wings
Burn these strings
These old things.
Life a tight rope
And these burdens
Only apart of who I am.
No remote.
To tell me I'm beautiful.
Fragile I am.
Like a broken porcelain doll.
Odds and ends,
No one to believe in.
My life knocks on my door.
Throwing stones at my window.
At 4 in the morning.
And maybe it won't suck as much.
Walk away.
But slithers like a viper.
And gets me in the neck.
The thousand ways I try to forget.
I pretty much suffered in lightness and darkness.
Trying to suck the pain right out.
So many reasons.
I'm surely no like the rest.
In all due time, I hope to forget.
My heart checks me in.
Society kicks me down.
And chews you up and spits you out.
Messing with my sanity
By twisting all these thoughts around.
Sometimes it's blind.
Sometimes it waits.
But everytime it seeks my fate.
Pleasure without pain.
The odds and ends
My soul you'll never claim.

Gratitude

It's so surreal.
How you make me feel.
Like a gentle breeze.
Roses and Jasmines
Spread your wings
And fly away.
Gratitude
From me to you.
Let me express that to you.
Heartbeat increased.
When we meet.
Putting a smile upon my face.
Being a part of you inner space.
Life is too short.
No time to waste.
Doing exactly what you can.
Always ready to led a hand.
So thankful.
So admirable.
You understand.
You cried my tears.
Vulnerable but you listen.
Disappointment at myself.
Subtle circumstances.
But you were there.
Reaching out to me in ways I never expected
Feeling loved like never before.
You still try to rescue me.
That's why I show my gratitude.

Second Best

Everyday I feel like I'm second best.
In your life behind all the rest.
There is so many times I tried.
Now it is time to go away and hide.
Because I'm ignored.
That's nothing new.
If I call or text, it means I need you.
Yes again, everyone says they need me too,
I don't run to them.
I run to you.
But when they need you.
You run to them.
So I have someone new.
Just a friend who needs me too.
But I still feel second best.
I just want to be someone priorities.

Disconnect

Is this all life is then?
Only shallow breathes
Why the struggle for?
The world makes no sense.
Air is everywhere.
Filling the room as if in a trance.
Like two negatives
Or two positives.
It does it match
Nor does it attract
My soul on a piece of paper.
In a puddle of words.
Cliche' it may be.
I feel a disconnect
Something I cant get back
A crosswalk cut short
Between life or death and in-between.
Society treats me.
With drops of indifference.
Like a wild boar chased by bullets
In a quiet forest contemplating.
Walking barefeet in the sand.
Feeling the cold body of the hand
Nobody notices.
How beautifully it does not show.
Between me and the other world.
The world and the society we live in.
Slowly a subtle disconnect
In the damaged word we live in.

Right Here All Along

You are my opposite.

Happiness Deserved?

I always hear I'm sorry. 

Snap Back

I try to run away to a safe place I can not find.

Why I Care So Much?

I love him.
You love her.
So neglecting.
Drawn together by the loneliness.
Not seeing what a wonderful person you are.
Aiming for our hearts.
Like a bullet first from a 50 caliber rifle.
Constantly played.
She claims she loves you.
And I know you do.
He claims he loves me
Nothing but neglecting, arguing, and immaturity.
Sometimes I don't get an "I miss you"
Look at it this way.
Somehow, you mean more to me than I claim.
Love making us crazy and insane.
Why do I care so much?
Maybe I don't think its a good idea.
To love someone who will leave you all alone.
Comfort needed.
Emotional self-destruction setting the tone.
We may not be meant for each other.
But I know I can treat you better.
As a lover and friend.
A bond we can not break.
A genuine concern for our well being.
It's wrong, but you catch me before I hit rock bottom.
Just so you know.
Life got us stuck in one place.
Trying to get away.
Somehow you are always there.
I always put the world in my hands.
No matter how hard we try.
Our heart wants what the heart wants.
Even though mine is torn.
Wondering why I care so much.
We can't hold on.
But I can smile every time.
You cross my mind sometimes.
Get me wondering
Why I gave up the first time.

Subtle Pressures and Drastic Decisions

Tell me where I went wrong.